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Welcome to the world of a secret romantic. Interesting individuals gifted me the backbone of the stories which wrote themselves. I have, of course, tweaked them the way my imagination would allow. Though years were lost, I plan to catch up with time now. The urge to bring the beauty of the time gone by is too strong! Enjoy!! Ajay P.S.:A comment with your views at the end of the blog will be appreciated.

Saturday, 16 June 2018

Dream

Sudesh felt tired. He also had a nagging headache. It had been a long, trying and fruitless week. He looked at his watch. It was nearly eight in the evening.

“Oh Shit!” he thought. Now he was going to be late. And Anupama would give him hell or forgetting. With reason too! She would be dressed up and waiting – for a long time. He had promised her he would be home by seven so that, for once, they would be on time for the party. Anyway, it could not be helped now.

Quickly setting his table in order, he ran downstairs and at the same time called his driver to have the car ready.

As he got into the car, he felt a bout of panic. There was no reason to panic, but he felt it anyway. People, by now, expected him to be late. The drive would take almost forty five minutes. Time to grab a quick nap; maybe he would feel better. At the moment he was not feeling up to the party, but that could not be avoided. He was the host. It was one of the things that he really did not enjoy but it was expected of him. It would be the same people, the same shitty talk, and the same “informal” formality. It was not as if the guests were friends, more like prospective and current clients. Appearances had to be lived up to.

He had a successful life till now. And he had enjoyed it. At least till a few years ago. Then the fun had slowly seeped out. He had been more engaged in managing stupid squabbles than actually doing things. When would people grow up? Petty politics, jealousy, boot licking and incompetence had to be managed. The constant fight for pushing ideas that made sense, getting around his boss who was shit scared of making tough decisions, a constant struggle to get the best people on board, fighting off recommendations for including nincompoops favoured by influential people in the teams, going through dreary bureaucratic approval notes had taken up more time than the actual work. And the actual work was not done by him anymore – it was done by a handful of people in his team while the others kept trying to derail the activity, yet hang on. Getting the fringe and their supporters to lay off the actual “workers” had become his primary job.

And all this for what? To increase output of a product that nobody really needed. Had there been sense in the customers, they would have avoided this product like plague. It was not needed for living a good life; it actually had a very negative impact on it. But the advertisers had done a great job and people not only accepted the product but hankered after it! This made big bucks for the promoters and some of the huge profits trickled down to the employees in the form of incentives. He enjoyed the incentives that he received and as he grew in the organization, he gradually understood that the incentives were only a small portion of the benefits that some employees received by virtue of their being in key positions.

There was a beautifully corrupt system in place. Each person in decision-making had a separate set of parameters for approving activities. The Chairman, the CEO, the heads of Finance, Stores, Procurement and Project Execution would all receive a cutback from the activity. And this cutback accounted for nearly thirty per cent of the actual cost. Add the exorbitant profits of the promoters- nearly seventy percent -the price in the market was up by over 100%. There was money all around! And the customers were lapping up the products.

No one was asking the question “Do we really need it? Is the price right?”. The product was playing truant with the appetites of the kids, using plastics as if there was no tomorrow, using water, fuel without control. The State Pollution Control Board was happy with the data provided and never bothered to check as long as the data came in on time even if it was fudged. No one was questioning the effect of the product on the health of the children – the target customers, because there were too many similar products in the market to pin down the ill effects on any one in particular. The Doctors, the hospitals, the Government were all having good time.

But he had been shocked to hear the discussion of a couple of the company’s lawyers a few days ago. They were discussing the likely impact of the legal suit that was due for hearing. One of them was sounding worried but the other was flippant about it. Becoming interested, he asked them about it. He was told that there was no need to worry! These suits had always been around and usually there were too many loose ends in the findings to actually implicate the company. The Judiciary and the Government were also not very inclined to take the information seriously. They were discussing this with him openly without any hint of suspicion about his interest. Then it hit him. They were not suspicious because they considered him a co-conspirator! But it had set him thinking.

He had arrived at his home and fortunately the first of his guests had also arrived. That saved him from his wife’s wrath. Quickly apologizing for being late he headed to his bedroom for a shower and a change. In five minutes he was with his guests but the headache refused to go away. More guests arrived and the rounds of drinks seemed never ending. The food was served and the party was finally over well past midnight.

Lying in bed, Anupama finally asked him “Is everything OK? You don’t look very well!” He admitted to her that there was a lot on his mind but did not elaborate. Anu knew him well enough not to push. He would tell her when he was ready.

Next morning he woke up with the same throbbing headache. He did not have a good night. He had been in a state of half wakefulness throughout. There were many thoughts running through his head but they were too disjointed to make any sense. Perhaps a cup of tea would make things better.

Anu came in with the tea and as she sat with him, her look was concerned. He understood that she wanted to ask him but was holding herself back. With his first sip he began. He told her how he felt about his job, about the conversation with the lawyers, about his feeling of doing nothing worthwhile in life. She listened patiently and then started asking small questions. He knew these would help clear his thoughts too. Finally she asked him “Should you not take a holiday for a few days to get away from it all? The change might make you feel better. It has been a long time since we had a real holiday.”

Sudesh shook his head. “It’s not about stress or a break. It’s about the worth of what I do. A holiday is not going to make this feeling go away.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“Not sure. Let me try to work out things in my head before I decide.”

It was a weekend so there was no pressure to hurry. The idea of quitting was there but he was not sure of his assets and finances. And what to do next; he wanted it to be something worthwhile, but was not sure exactly what. People always told him he could have the pick of jobs. But he knew it was not so easy when you were at a senior position. And even if he did manage to get another job, would it be substantially different from his present one? Unlikely! Anyway, first things first! He spent a better part of the day trying to get a handle on his financial worth. How much was enough even if he did not work for the rest of his days? That was the most difficult question to answer. Next he tried to make a balance sheet of his assets and liabilities, both current and for the future. Finally he arrived at a reasonable answer to his first question. He could afford to quit with a reasonably small amount of risk.

The next question proved more difficult to answer. What would he do to make himself worthwhile? He pondered alone and with Anu and many ideas were discussed. By the end of the day they had not arrived at an acceptable result. The next day was the same. No real plan was in place, but the decision to quit had been made.

Monday morning, he felt renewed. He had his resignation letter ready. He breezed into his office, wishing Good Mornings, left right and centre. Some of his colleagues and subordinates were surprised. Usually he would be in a bad temper even in the mornings with a thousand things nagging at the back if his mind. The formality of handing over his resignation done, he spent the rest of the days in the organization trying his best to coach people informally and sharing thoughts with them. His exit interview was not notable on account of his refusing to discuss the reason for leaving. This left the HR man in a quandary for he would not have anything of value to report. Anyway, “personal reasons” would have to do. In a couple of months it was time to finally go out of the doors one last time. He did not wish it to be anything but quiet and it was generally so. He did not feel any real attachment to the office now.

Next morning he got up to a leisurely breakfast, went through the newspaper, end to end. He still had not found an answer to the question “What next?” He had considered becoming an activist and filing a suit against his own organization for starters. He had even discussed it with a few friends. But he had ultimately decided against it. God knows, he was in the best position to fight his own organization but friends had convinced him that it would not be a great idea. There would be counter-suits, money would be required, there would be breach of trust motions and it might take years by the time anything happened provided he still had the strength and the money to sustain it. But the argument which finally convinced him not to do this was that it would be reactive. There was no reason to believe that his beliefs would be shared by others and he would become a pawn in the game of legal arguments and counter arguments; better to do something positive – of that he was sure. The question still was – what?

With his present unemployment there were many reactions. His children felt vulnerable even after he tried to convince them that their needs were accounted for. His wife enjoyed his company initially but was now gently prodding him to do something about it, and with good reason! Some neighbours were talking, some relatives were speculating, some friends were worried – but he was not affected. He knew he had made the right decision but was waiting to discover where he wanted to go next. He had lots of time to think but he was nowhere close to the answer.

As time went by he settled into a routine existence. One day was not different from the other. It had become boring and monotonous. The lazy days were getting a grip on him and he was beginning to find comfort in the laziness. The signs of decay were setting in. Anu realized it before he did. But what was to be done? He was not old enough to do nothing and while away his time. The hobbies that he had developed had become boring. However his mind was still active. He was drawn towards the discussions on climate change. There were many theories and proposed solutions. While most of them were excellent in themselves, he felt that they were symptomatic cures and did not address the root cause. He would often argue with himself about the pros and cons of each solution. But no real implementable idea caught his fancy.

One day he decided to effect a change in his routine. He decided to visit his village. It had been nearly two decades since he had been there. Maybe the change would be good. So the bags were packed and he was off with Anu. He remembered the place as if it was yesterday. An old family retainer had been looking after things as best as he could and he had often requested him to visit – without much success. This would make him happy too.

As he got down at the station after the overnight journey, he was surprised by the change. The place which had a back of beyond feeling earlier was bustling with humanity. There were people and more people all around. Everyone seemed in a hurry. There were dingy looking shops everywhere an increase of many times since he remembered it. The place looked dirty and full of dust and one had to be careful on the road to avoid being hit by motorcycles and carts. There were signboards advertising all sorts of coaching classes (both in terrible Hindi and even worse English). There were tractor and motorcycle fumes threatening to choke you.

It was usual to walk the mile and a half to our village, but he thought it would be prudent to take a rickshaw. All along the route there was a clack-clack of the stone crushing mills and a haze of stone dust which were likely to kill you if you inhaled them long enough. The fresh air that Sudesh remembered was long gone. The one thing that remained constant was the state of the road which remained as bad as ever!

As they reached the village they found that the dirt track down to their house had been replaced by a concrete “road”. The word road would be a misnomer since it was a series of concrete slabs laid one after the other, without proper joining and the edges falling off sharply. The concrete was also coming off even though the work was quite recent. They reached the house and the rest of the day was spent having it cleaned enough to become liveable. Proper cleaning would take another few days. Fortunately there was electricity in the house though the light would flicker of its own accord owing to the large scale power theft and patchwork repairs. Evenings could be spent in front of the house talking to some villagers.

They planned to stay there for about a week. The next day he went for a walk in the fields with the caretaker who pointed out the various plots which belonged to his family and the types of crop and the seasons that were best for them. At the end of the day Sudesh had only the vaguest of ideas about what he had been taught. Too much, too early; and he was not really interested. After all he would be back in the city in a week. The simple lunch was still as delicious as he remembered it. Or was it? There were subtle differences. The “Dal” was not as tasty as he remembered it. The vegetable was almost as good and so was the rice.

In the afternoon, he went for a walk in the village with Shankar, his childhood friend. There were more “pucca” houses now. But the place looked filthy. There was a lot of noise now as compared to the silence earlier. This was primarily due to a mill which had come up and also due to the many pumps that had been installed for irrigation and also for drinking water. He was told that the mill provided for most of the employment in and around the village. The workers were mainly women of the village. The owner was a affluent family of the village. They also owned most of the pumps and also most of the land by now – he was informed in an undertone. There was something wrong. He could not pin it down exactly but he had the feeling that all was not well.

A hail brought him to reality. It was Ramdhari, his childhood friend. He smiled and went up to hug him. His escort, however, stood respectfully behind with his hands folded in a Namaste. This was odd! He was also a childhood friend. Ramdhari took me to his home and soon hot tea and pakoras were served. Ramdhari looked prosperous. His house seemed larger than he remembered though it was decorated in a crude sort of way. Shankar however stood outside waiting for him. Sudesh asked Ramdhari to call him, but he seemed evasive. Sudesh let the matter pass. Maybe it was one of the petty disputes which often cropped up in villages.

A short while later, he bade Ramdhari farewell and started off for his home. Shankar again joined him. He seemed quieter and withdrawn. He enquired about the sudden change in mood, but Shankar kept quiet. He was to find out the reason later.

The next few days passed without incident. He had decided to have solar panels installed on the terrace of his house and this proved to be quite difficult. There were not many vendors willing to take up this work for only one house. Finally, Sudesh got hold of one and the process of installation started. In the meantime he got his old bicycle repaired and oiled so that it was easier to make the trip to the local “kasba” – this had become almost a daily activity. Shankar often accompanied him and would help renew old acquaintances.

Gradually, a picture of how the village had transformed was becoming clearer. Apparently, Ramdhari had become a big shot and owned most of the industries around the place. He owned the stone crushers (all illegal), the mill, majority of irrigation pumps and tractors, and was the de-facto owner of a large tracts of the land. He was also the local strongman and a feared man for he had a small army of paid criminals to look after his interests. He charged exorbitant amounts for use of his pumps and tractors and also for the oil which came from the mills. He also used strong arm tactics to discourage competition. No one dared challenge his authority.

Most of the mining leases had been garnered by him and the surrounding hills had been stripped bare for the stone chips which were in high demand. All this was illegally done but piles of cash ensured that the officials looked the other way. He was the unchallenged king. He never put forward his candidature for elections but you could be sure that the winning candidate was his stooge. He paid his employees much lower than the minimum wages prescribed to ensure that they lived in poverty. With land going fast and limited means to earn enough for a decent life, the young men had left mainly to go to Surat for employment in the chemical factories which employed masses in terrible corrosive conditions but paid enough to attract the poor and desperate. That was the thing that had struck me earlier. There were very few young men in the village. It was mostly women, children and old people who stayed there with a few sick young men. The young men were sick because of continued exposure to the corrosive chemicals of Surat. The expected working life of a chemical factory worker was about ten years after which they would be too sick to be of any real use. Same was true for the people who worked in the stone crushers near the village. The fine stone dust spread and slowly but surely killed off the people and also the land nearby.

An old problem of the village was the subdivision of land with passing generations. This kept decreasing the effective area left for agriculture. The reduced crop yield, the tight control of the access to the market by ruffians like Ramdhari, the lack of proper education for the children, the sordid state of law enforcement, the inter caste squabbles all were leading to death of the village economy. This death led to other deaths – that of the urban economy owing to the huge influx of the rural population to the cities creating pressure on land, water, employment, transport, law and order and many other things.

Sudesh could, of course, make a donation of money to help a few. He had the means but he had spent long years in the corporate world to realize that this would be an exercise in futility. The dole would be soon gone and the money would draw the wrong kind of attention. If he was perceived as a threat, his existence would be in danger. The rural world was not very different from the corporate world in this respect, maybe more dangerous, if anything.

He thought long about it. The week that he had planned to spend in the village was long gone. It had been a couple of months now. His presence was no more a novelty. He had become a part of the scene though not fully so. He refused to get into the village politics though Ramdhari tried to rope him in many times. The germ of an idea was forming in his mind. The picture of the English countryside that he had visited a while ago became a framework for his dream. The English countryside was beautiful, green, serene, clean, safe and quiet. But not perfect. There were mostly aged people living in it. The youngsters had gone off to find employment in the cities. And it was expensive.

The Indian countryside could be all this and more. It required avenues to generate income, access to healthcare, law and order, education. Tall order? Yes! But not impossible. All it required was a will to implement. Something needed to be done. He was sure of that. But what? And how? He did not know.

Yet!

He had to give more thought to it.

He was sitting in an armchair in front of his house as was customary after lunch. In the villages, this is the most common place to relax. There are no drawing rooms or sitting rooms. The spot in front of the main gate is the most common area for relaxing. Lunch had been good. All the aches and pains had long disappeared. The sun was shining. Life was good. His head was nodding. Sudesh don’t know when he dropped off.

What did villages have? Land – lots of it. Manpower – dwindling now, but the potential was there. Clean air and water – dwindling but potentially there. So what could be the means to tap these resources? The first source for earning would be farming income. The improvement would come from scientific, mechanized farming using collective resources. The obvious conclusion was co-operative farming with large tracts of land, cooperative access to credit and returns, reduction of risk, access to scientific methods, regular and legal employment for those who sought it and collective wisdom. The only issue is that of mistrust! So he decided to keep it on his list but be cautious about the approach.

The second source could be “Eco-Tourism”. Offer real comfortable but rustic holidays to city folk since the demand already existed and expose them to a better life. Create infrastructure to provide good accommodation, activities for engagement, clean air and water. One potential hurdle had to be crossed- transport and safety. Solution – rope in someone like Ramdhari as a partner initially till the traffic was large enough to warrant administration action. Do-able!

The mindset change would not come from lectures. It could only come from real life demonstration. It has been seen in the past that lawbreakers and Dons transform into legitimate businessmen once they see it is easier, safer and almost equally remunerative. But one has to tread cautiously and be patient. So he set about it. He now knew what he wanted to do. He had an aim and a plan. His house was large with an advantage of location; right at the end of the village with vast expanse of fields behind it. The closest house was about a hundred meters away. So it provided a reasonable amount of privacy.

The first thing he started on was to prepare a kitchen garden in the plot within the boundary. All sorts of vegetables were to be grown and he employed a part time worker–caretaker for it on a regular salary. He sold off a few plots on the outskirts of his holding to fund the enterprise. The money went to carrying out renovations to the house to make it guest friendly. Things like a modern kitchen, modern washrooms, some comfortable beds, a neat coat of paint, higher boundary walls, better gates, a small reception desk. The solar panels were supplemented in number and storage batteries were provided to have reasonable amount of lighting power even in the night.

All this work did not escape the attention of Ramdhari. At the opportune time, Sudesh shared the plan with him. The deal was simple. He could either invest in it now (which he would not, Sudesh knew) or have an option to invest within two years as a partner for up to twenty percent at a predetermined price. In return, he had to provide his Scorpio (his prized possession) for ferrying the potential guests to and from the station at a fixed cost to the guest house and for sightseeing (at a fee for the guests). He also had to ensure that the guests did not face any local trouble during their stay there. He looked disinterested but Sudesh knew he had him. For good measure, he also dropped hints that business would pick up only if the first guests felt comfortable with the host and Ramdhari was not one to make city folks feel at ease. So Sudesh was indispensable. The deal took a mere week to finalize and the first step of his plan was underway.

The next step was more subtle. Ramdhari’s grand children were beginning school and Sudesh offered to help them in their education. But he had to extend this to the other kids of the village as well. This would not be easy given the caste and class tensions in the village.

So he started visiting Ramdhari more often. From time to time he would show him the college album and plant the idea that it was necessary for a student to be able to live with other students of different castes to get admitted to these colleges. The smartly dressed young men in suits and then with swanky cars made an impression on him. Though initially he feigned disinterest, Sudesh knew that everyone, including gangsters, wanted a better life for their children. So, in time, he started asking him lots of questions about life in these colleges; and the prospects after education. Sudesh slowly planted the idea of caste integration for a better life for his grand children without once saying so. Ramdhari, one day suggested including other children in the coaching sessions. Sudesh was overjoyed but only displayed indifference. Now Ramdhari was working on his behalf – collecting kids for these one hour classes.

Sudesh did not wish to throw the kids in the deep end and lose them. So he started with group recitation of poetry, going on to the meanings, analysis and then competition between students. The going was slow but sure. The children hardly spent any other time on what he taught. So it had to be the one hour that he got. Gradually he would have more time, and would add more subjects-English, Maths, Science. The teaching would have to be non conventional, mainly verbal and participative but he was sure it would be good and long lasting.

He would also use Ramdhari to accept and propagate the idea of cooperative farming. But that would have to wait for some time. Too much, too soon would spoil the plan.

He felt a tingling warm sensation on the back of his hand. He woke with a jerk. Anu was laughing and holding a hot cup of tea which she had used to wake him up by holding it against the back of his hand. She handed him his cup and sat down.

“What were you dreaming of? You were smiling in your sleep.” she asked.

 “Let me tell you. I now know what I have to do. Things will not happen as I saw them, but I sure will give it a try.”

And he sure would!

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