As Evening Falls....

As Virendra came out of the office building he looked to the left and to the right. He was trying to locate the cab that he had booked a few minutes earlier.

Ah! There it was!

He had stopped driving a few years ago, once he found that it made him too tired. Just shy of seventy, he still felt he had enough energy in him to keep working. He did not need the money but the assignment kept him occupied. The fact that he got paid for it was a bonus.

People often commented that Virendra was working harder than ever, certainly more than he used to work while he was regularly employed. Earlier, he had the capability of working hard in bursts but now he had acquired a steady rhythm. They were no complaints about his sincerity or his dedication and he had carried forward his reputation for being direct and uncompromising.

The journey would take the good part of an hour and he used this time to get himself a short nap. He had found that this journey back was the best time to grab his nap. For the last few years, deep uninterrupted sleep was a luxury which he had not been able to enjoy. This was strange, since he always had the good fortune of enjoying deep sleep. Earlier, five minutes on the bed and he was usually off.

But all that had changed ever since Raashi left. The months of caring for her had changed his life patterns. Not a great one for household chores ever, he had been required to take up the house hold work. It had been difficult but he had learnt over a period of a few months.

Keeping himself busy was a therapy that allowed him to not dwell upon the pain that Raashi was suffering. It was in this period that he realised the amount of work required to keep a household functioning. It was painful to see life slowly abandoning her.

Then, one day, it was time! Time to finally let go, time to reorganize his life, time to learn things afresh.

Rishi, his son, had always been a caring but quiet fellow. In his own way, he had helped his dad to recover. He,too, would have been affected by Raashi's passing. Yet, unobtrusively, he spent more time around Virendra. But there was only so much that he could do. Virendra had to learn to find his own feet by himself.

Over the next few months life had fallen into a set pattern and both of them had learnt to adjust to new realities. While Virendra had been reluctant to take up any assignments after his retirement, he now accepted this current association with a sense of relief. The work filled up the empty hours of lonely days.

Rishi have never been overly passionate about his work and had switched a couple of jobs over the span of these last few years. He performed his job with sincerity and competence but never with a great sense of attachment. This was probably very good thing since Virendra himself had suffered because he tended to invest a lot of passion and take up an excessive amount of ownership of any activity.

Over a period of time Raashi's passing had become a faded memory. It was not as if they had forgotten her but she had ceased to be a part of their daily routine. Such is the healing power of time and these two individuals could not be less affected by the passing of time. Rishi had become engaged in his own life, in his own career and with his own friends. His dad was now no more active part of his life.

The two of them met every day during meals, exchanged inconsequential snippets of information but gradually came to know fewer things about each other's lives. It was not as if they did not care. It was just that there were few commonalities between them. Rishi had been very attached to his mother earlier but with the adaptability of youth, he had been able to cope far better than his father. Virendra and Rishi existed like two strangers who shared the same house.

Rishi was fortunate enough to have a job which allowed him reasonably fixed hours. He usually reached home an hour after Virendra did and would usually find a cup of tea waiting for him. They would engage in small talk while he had his tea and then Rishi would retreat to his room. Virendra would switch on the TV and would sit there in front of it till it was time for dinner without really watching what was happening on the screen. This was a routine which seldom varied now.

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Rishi was in a hurry to reach home today. Today was special. He needed to reach home quickly in order to have enough time to have a a relaxed bath before going out. He was feeling excited and  at the same time felt a hint of nervousness too. It was not as if he was going on a date for the first time but for all practical purposes this was relationship that for him could mean lifelong engagement.

He would have to inform Dad at some point of time but probably it was a little early right now. He had to be sure and probably tonight was the time when he would know for certain. He felt the conversation with his Dad might be awkward since they had never discussed the prospect of his marriage earlier. In fact, they had probably not discussed anything of substance since Mom left.

Having another person in the house would probably be good for all of them. They had existed in silos for the last few years and maybe his wife would be the binding agent that brought them together again. Humming to himself, he was trying to picture what he would wear tonight. His dad had always told him to look elegant but not flashy on a date. He had never quite understood what that meant earlier but today the implication seemed clear to him.

His smiled to himself. His Dad was the last person to pay attention to clothes. Probably this piece of advice had originated with his Mum who had shaped what his dad would look like in his later years. Whenever she went out there would be an argument about what he would wear. Dad would insist on comfort and Mom would insist on elegance. The result of the argument was always the same. Mom won! But Dad never give in without a strong resistance. And now, Dad was passing on that same advice to his son!

As his car turned into his housing complex, he saw his Dad standing in the balcony having a smoke. Earlier, his Dad had been heavy smoker but over the last few years he had cut down drastically. Now, when he smoked it was usually after dinner. Hence seeing him smoking today in the evening came as a bit of a surprise.

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As Virendra had reached home, opening the empty flat today made him strangely depressed. Suddenly, he did not want to go in. He could not understand why because there was nothing special about today. Rishi would be returning soon and becoming depressed now would serve no purpose. He forced himself to go in and probably getting into the routine of changing; making tea, switching on the lights would help him get rid of this depression.

But he was mistaken. Trying to do the ordinary, everyday things actually highlighted his loneliness. So instead of switching on the TV, he took his cup of tea and walked out to the balcony.

It was as if he noticed for the first time that he could see for miles from his balcony. Suddenly, after many years he felt like having a cigarette with his evening tea. Probably the view of the wide open spaces made him revert back to his working days when he would survive on tea and cigarettes for a major part of the day while working outdoors. He was never happy as a desk worker but later in life, as he had climbed up the professional ladder he found himself more and more bound to his desk.

He saw Rishi's car turn into to the driveway. Rishi seemed to be returning earlier than usual! Anyway, it was good because he was badly in need of company today. Having Rishi around him would be comforting. He felt like talking to his son, mind you, not the chit-chat that passed for a conversation but a really heart to heart sharing of thoughts and feelings. He realised suddenly that they had not had such a conversation for many, many years. He would set that right today.

Virendra came in and opened the door before Rishi had reached his floor. He would be a proper father today. They had lived in isolation like strangers long enough. He felt that he had been unfair to his son. He had been selfish in trying to address only his own pain and loneliness. He had ignored Rishi's needs long enough. Reconnecting would probably be good for both of them.

As Rishi came in, Virendra realised that he had not noticed Rishi turn into a handsome,  responsible young man. It was as if Rishi’s growth had halted in his eyes since the passing of his wife. Time has come to a standstill for him but today he realised that his son had turned into a smart young man in his own right. After many years he felt the need to connect with the son as an adult rather than as a caretaker for young boy.

Rishi smiled but there were no overt greetings. Such was his way, and people who did not know him would find it rude. But Virendra was familiar with his manners and understood. He noticed that Rishi was looking happy. He would allow Rishi to have a bath and change and only after that, he would broach on the subject of sharing his feelings with his son.

Rishi walked into the kitchen, took his cup of tea and moved off to his room. Virendra did not switch on the TV deliberately. Though he had read the newspaper today, for want of anything else to do, he started turning the pages once again. He waited patiently for Rishi to come out. He was really looking forward to their conversation.

He must have dozed off for by the time Rishi came out it was turning dark. Rishi switched on the lights and the sudden brightness woke him. He was surprised to see Rishi not in his usual shorts but dressed quite formally and elegantly. So, his son was going out, and from the looks of it, going out with someone special. Virendra understood the look in Rishi's eyes. Though it had been many, many years, Virendra could relate to the anticipation that Rishi was feeling today.

He was happy for Rishi but at the same time he was strangely disappointed. There would be no heart to heart conversation with his son today. He had been looking forward to it so much, but there was nothing to do now! He would have to stay alone with his thoughts, with his disappointment, with his longing for some company. The hours would continue to be empty but there was nothing to be done. It was the way the rest of his days would probably pass.

Rishi looked at his father. His father suddenly appeared very old. Was he looking sadder than usual? He would definitely try and spend some time with his dad from tomorrow.

But today? Today was something special. This correction in father-son relationship would have to wait for just another day but he promised himself that he would certainly, most certainly spend more time with his father.

With a cheery good bye, he walked out to meet the love of his life.

Virendra looked out of the window. The brightness had transferred itself from the sky to the earth. As darkness fell, the sky turned black and the streetlights of the city came to life.

As evening fell, the brightness transferred itself from the father's heart to his son's. One was once again overcome with loneliness while the other was brimming with hope!

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